Twenty-four seven, Three-sixty-five

 She was a tomboy, when I begged my mom for heels she requested work boots.  She was insistent on singing "Happy Together" by the Turtles every minute of the day.  She is grown now.  She stumbled upon a wonderful man at a friends costume party. Years later they married at sunset on the beach under a beautiful archway.....no shoes, feet in the sand, family and friends all gathered around closely.

I remember  when we were young skipping around playing and singing that song "first comes love....then comes marriage...", over and over (my poor mom).   Here we are decades later and the song's end comes to a new beginning.   My baby sister, aka "pookie" is a now a mother.  It has not been an easy road for her.  There is seldom time for play dates and visits to story time at the library. Instead she has been fiercely trying to find answers to many questions most moms don't really have to think about.  She works tirelessly and so very hard.  As a mother myself, you don't quite see it that way when it comes to your children.    She simply amazes me by her poise and positive attitude in what is ultimately such an unfair situation.

 I have always thought that having my babies first would allow me to teach you some things about being a mom and juggling life.  I have to say it is quite the opposite.  I have learned a great deal in this last year from you.   Your selflessness and giving spirit, this is nothing new.    As a mother it has just been exemplified.

 Happy Mother's Day "Pooks".

Kickin' it old school with my thirty five

I still have the original receipt from Cameraland dated 12/1/98.  It was my first real camera that was a surprise gift from my boyfriend, now husband.  It was a Nikon FM10 35mm manual focus film camera.  Yes, the actual kind that you put the roll of film in.  It has been a while since I shot with a completely manual camera.   I decided to go buy some film and kick it old school.  It truly was funny for me to go to the store and purchase a roll of film.  As I was awkwardly trying to remember how to load in the cumbersome film, the feeling of I better make these count because I only have 24 exposures, popped into my head.   It was in a very desperate, disturbing sort of way.     When you use a digital camera the number of images are seemingly endless.  Normally with my current digital SLR camera I can shoot 24 pictures in a matter of seconds.  Side note:  I remember when there were no cell phones, you had to actually look up information from a book, cars with A-Track players, Atari, my first Walkman weighing 10lbs and the size of a brick and really,who can forget Star Search?   So when did I become so sophisticated?  The whole idea was very amusing for me.   It was very nice to slow down and get a little nostalgic at the same time.  Unfortunately my subjects for the day don't really slow down, EVER.   This recipe made for a step outside my comfort zone but well worth it.  I think leaving our comfort zone is the only way we force ourselves to become better and push ourselves from staying in the same spot.  I have to admit I kept looking for the review button on my camera and chuckled every time I did it, which I won't say how many times I actually did.  I am so used to reviewing my shots on my SLR to see what I have and to make sure I have something worthwhile before I move onto the next.  In this case with the 35mm you have to wait until you develop it.  What?   In this whole process I also realized how impatient and instantaneous I can be (just ask the guy who brought me the camera). Overall it was a really fun experience.   Below are some of the shots I came away with.  I also came away with a better understanding that moving backwards doesn't always mean taking something away.  It can mean revisiting the archives in our lives and reminding us that everything along the way is defining of the present day.     In my book it is always a good thing to eat a slice of humble pie every once in a while. 

   

I love the ethereal colors that real film produces.

 The grain of real film can be duplicated on digital but it there is something special about the real deal.

                            I love this old school "80's"look.  This one reminds me of my childhood pictures.

 Although I  didn't get what I expected with this one it still can be a very interesting photo, I kind of like it!

Sweet dreams little man.....

This was the first picture I ever took of my son.  It was snapped from my hospital bed minutes after he was born.   Even though I was physically exhausted  I asked the nurse to pass my camera.  It is an image I will never forget.  If there are any, this is the one that always comes into my mind at the best of times and the worst.  Even though we may infinitely remember the profound times in our life, details will always fade after time.  I am so happy that I caught this moment on camera.  These are the moments that are most important in life.  My husband and my son were introducing themselves to one another.   My heart melted and all the hours that I just labored instantly melted with it.  My heart skipped a beat and another beat and another....

Today my little bundle celebrated his 4th birthday.  Recently we have been instructed that his name is Kolin and not bubba, ouch that really hurt. We just sort of say okay (wink,wink).   It is hard to let go of the things that we would be more than happy to just remain the same.

your sense of adventure and energy...

your unwavering curiosity and endless questions...

your ice pop faces and deep belly laughs...

and most of all because your you and that is all we will ever want you to be.

Tonight I finished reading one of Kolin's favorite books Where the Wild Things Are.   The first line in the book goes, "The night Max wore his wolf suit and made mischief of one kind and another."  This line comes to life in our house in one way or another what seems to be every minute of the day.   I finished the book, kissed him goodnight and the tears just welled up in my eyes.   It was unexpected but I cannot imagine why.  This happens to me at every birthday.  Time seems to just creep up and take away my little man as each year goes by.   The first picture in this post was exactly the one that flashed in my mind at that moment.  Then the faucet was turned on.  It still feels like yesterday. 

 Happy 4th Birthday Kolin!  Although one day you will be bigger than us, you will always be our little bubba.  

Mr. A

Seasons are a lot like life

 

"Always maintain a kind of summer, even in the middle of winter." - Henry David Thoreau

For me February in New England can be one of the coldest, longest, most brutal months of the year.  

It can also be the light at the end of the tunnel, a passage way to spring   Seasons are a lot like life.  Sometimes it feels as if spring will never arrive but it does, it always does.  To see the robins making their nests in the eaves of my garage always brings me a renewed sense of accomplishment ,"I survived".   We all will even on the coldest days when summer seems so far away.

This entry is for you JDP, the bravest little man I know. 

Reflections

  I have never had so many deep-seated, sometimes overwhelming, reflections in my life since my children have been born.  Whenever I was out with my newborns, I would hear over and over, that reoccurring, nails on a chalk board, " Enjoy them when they are little because it goes really fast".  Sometimes I wish someone would have just done this some justice and said, hey lady, here's the deal, you are going to wake up one day with school aged children glancing back at you, waving goodbye as they walk through the school gates on their first day, your heart will be ripped out of your chest and you'll cry like a baby.   It feels as though one minute you are bringing a small, delicate, deliciously smelling, what did I just get myself into baby home from the hospital and the next, your weepy eyed trying to figure out some sort of time machine to just get it back.  It is so powerful that more often than I would like to admit I will be innocently driving in my car and I flash forward in time.   My daughter is telling me she is moving across the country to attend art school and my son has grown to be over 6 feet tall not slathering me with kisses everyday like he does every morning in his pajamas with the feet.  It all seems so unfair.   Naturally time slips away and all things in life move forward whether we like it or not. The one little victory I have to preserve these moments in time is my camera.  I feel like every photo I take of my children is a little gift, something for me to unwrap, a time machine when I need a little reflection. 

 These pictures are from a beautiful summer day spent on the seacoast of New Hampshire.  The light was amazing and the reflections that it created reminded me, as light fades, this too will all be but a memory.  My advice is don't blink, just run and get your camera!!

"If happy little bluebirds fly...."

Do you remember when you were young and the world seemed so endless? I watch my two little bluebirds discover the world everyday and it always reminds me that as adults we forget to leave some time to dream and imagine.  I think as we grow older our limitations become easily surrendered to those little things in life called priorities.   Self limitations become our own worst enemy, usually in my case, they triumph and snicker at me when their done.  Maybe it is easier to just stick to the script and let everyone else decide when or how we should be able to move ahead and live our dreams?  I have decided that with a new year I will not allow limitations to humble me and believe that the "dreams that you dare to dream really do come true".

"We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called   "Opportunity" and its first chapter is New Year's Day" - Edith Lovejoy Pierce